


Four-Letter Word

by notwisely



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 05:13:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13047213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notwisely/pseuds/notwisely
Summary: What's it called when you find each other again and again across hundreds of different reboots and it's totally, definitely, not at all a big deal or significant in any way, shape, or form?





	Four-Letter Word

**Author's Note:**

  * For [htbthomas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/htbthomas/gifts).



> This is set some ambiguous amount of time into S2, after 2x03, and contains spoilers for all of season one. Huge thank you to [angelsaves](http://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsaves) who fixed all my egregious comma crimes and other numerous errors!

"Break time!" Eleanor says. _"Finally."_ She snatches a latte from the loser running register before he can hand it to the customer in front of him. "Brad will do you another," she says, though, looking at the way the lady is fidgeting, she could do with a little less caffeine. "Ugh, I can't believe I'm dead and I still have to have a _job,"_ Eleanor mutters.  

"We've all got to do our part!" chirps the implausibly perky Asian chick who runs the coffee shop, from where she's sorting soymilk cartons.

"I wasn't talking to _you,_ Pam," snaps Eleanor.

"It's Pavita, actually," says not-Pam as Eleanor makes her way to the back corner, where the comfiest chair has been carefully tucked behind a bookshelf so no customers will accidentally sit in it. Eleanor spent an entire afternoon testing out every armchair in the cafe to make sure that this was genuinely, definitively, the nicest one--she's _earned_ this chair, and she's not going to let someone snake her _hard work._

She's thirty minutes into her fifteen-minute break, running through her catalogue of Spanish profanities to test the censorship system, when she hears someone muttering to themselves as they walk up to the bookshelf.

"Sartre, Sartre, Sartre... oh, Descartes will do," the guy says in a panicked mumble as he pulls a book from the shelf. He flips a few pages, then there's silence except for his rapid breathing. Eleanor starts quietly shifting books around so she can peek through the shelves, but there's a sudden loud _snap!_ as he shuts the book. "Okay, Chidi, you were an ethics professor, you can do this. The person with the lower point total should be sent back, from a purely utilitarian standpoint, of course, but--" Eleanor stops listening because--well, because, someone else's problems, _boring,_ but also because--ethics is, like, how to be a good person, right? This nerd knows how to be a good person, Eleanor needs to appear to be a good person. This could be the start of something beautiful.

"Hey, you." Eleanor pops out from behind the shelf, grinning as the dude flails and drops his book. Just like high school. She narrows her eyes once she gets a good look at him. Unlike high school, this nerd is _hot._ Like, a _nine_ maybe. Eleanor pauses for a moment and revises it down half a point because he's, you know, looking at a book.

"Hello?" The guy has managed to pick up his book again.

"You're an ethics professor--that means you have to do the right thing." Eleanor barrels on, interrupting his _well, actually_ \-- "So you'll stand by me no matter what, right?"

*

"And the principle of nonmaleficence is…" Chidi prompts.

"Not… malefic-ifying… our friends?" Eleanor hazards. Chidi raises his eyebrows. _"Ugh."_ Eleanor slumps back into the chair and stares at the makeshift chalkboard they've rigged up in the back storage room for the coffee shop. "What's the _point_ of this, even?"

"The principle of nonmaleficence says that we have an obligation to do no harm. From that, we can derive that we cannot increase the risk of harm to others. _Then,_ if you combine this with the principle of beneficence, you reach the conclusion that--" And he's off. Eleanor rolls her eyes as Chidi turns to enthusiastically diagram something on the chalkboard and waits for the surge of irritation at the thought that she has to sit around wasting her time with _school._ Instead, watching Chidi get chalk dust all over his shirt, she just feels… fond?

Eleanor has enough time to think, _Oh, fork_ \--

When Penny opens the door, saying, "Eleanor, have you seen the--um. What are you guys doing?"

_"Making out,"_ Eleanor blurts, grabbing Chidi and planting one on him. Well--she tries to plant one on him, and ends up smashing their noses together, turning Chidi's _"What?"_ into a groan of pain halfway through.

"Ooooh _yeah,"_ Eleanor moans theatrically to cover up the extraordinarily unsexy noises Chidi is making.

"Um, okay." Pat backs out hurriedly, looking anywhere but at the two of them.

"Wow," Chidi says, once they've untangled themselves and straightened the chairs Eleanor knocked over while "making out". "I hope your technique is usually better, because I have to say, that was a B plus at _best."_ He grins.

Eleanor's heart does a flip. _Fork me,_ she thinks.

_Snap!_

*

They're all huddled inside _Corn You Dig It?_ \--who would have guessed that self-serve corn buffets were so big in the afterlife?--everything outside obscured by the hazy yellow gas. Every now and then, there's a thump or crash, and Tahani gasps and clutches the actual string of pearls she's wearing.

Suddenly, the door bursts open, and Michael stumbles back in, corn chowder splattered on the front of his makeshift hazmat suit. "He was _so mean!_ He said my suspenders looked _stupid!"_

"There, there." Tahani pats his shoulder and leads him to sit down in one of the booths. "I'm sure Chidi didn't _mean_ it. Who knows what this awful gas is doing to him!" She turns to the others. "We have to save him. Jianyu, you're with me, right?" The monk nods. "I'm not usually one for making speeches, but Chidi brought us together. He made us a family, and family means doing, even if you're doing something you might not want to do. And not just for us--for Chidi!"

Eleanor sighs, "I hate to say it, but the hot one is right. And I think we know the sacrifice we need to make to get Chidi back." She puts a finger on her nose, "But _I'm_ not apologizing first."

_Snap!_

*

"And this is Jianyu, a Buddhist monk who's taken a vow of silence, and the person with the highest point total in this neighborhood!" Michael says. "Jianyu, I know you don't believe in public displays of virtue, but we do have a small gift for you." He hands the monk a sash with _Best Person_ printed neatly across the front.

"Dope!" says Jason, grinning.

There's a long pause as everyone in the room stares blankly at him.

"Well, this was a stupid idea," says Michael.

_Snap!_

*

"Wow," says Eleanor, as the holographic screen finishes showing their last reboot. "We were _idiots."_

"I can't believe you _recorded_ all of that." Chidi says blankly.

"Yes, we play the bit with you running from the bees at weekly staff meetings to get everyone pumped up," Michael says. "Actually, if you want to see it again--"

_"No,_ that's fine," Chidi says hurriedly. "Actually, Eleanor, maybe we should talk--"

Eleanor's never been more relieved to see Jason stumble-trip into a room. "I can't find Tiger!" he yells.

"Wow, that sounds urgent, we better deal with it _right now_ ," Eleanor says quickly, walking over. Later, when it turns out that wasn't even a lie, Eleanor will think, _I should get good person points for this._

*

Tiger, it turns out, is a _hellhound._ Though, Janet explains, "hound" is technically inaccurate, as it is in fact a supernatural creature designed for torture and misery, and not related to any member of the _Canidae_ family.

It also, from the pictures Janet pulls up, looks more like an alligator-hippo hybrid made of lava than a dog.

"We have to find it." Michael says, "If Vicky realizes there's a hellhound loose, she'll demand a reset, and all of this will have been for nothing. Janet! Janet?"

"Yes, Michael?"

"Where's the hellhound?"

"Janet, he's trying to take away my dog!" Jason wails. "He's gonna send her to the _pound!"_

"A hellhound would be able to escape the pound," Janet says, smiling. "It is made of lava. Michael," she says, turning to him, "I don't think I want to help you kidnap Jason's dog. It would make him sad."

"Janet! You're the best!" Jason goes in for a high-five and smacks Janet in the face.

"We don't have time for this," Michael snaps, "Tahani, Eleanor, Chidi--come on, let's go track down this eldritch abomination before it completely blows our cover."

"Michael, it would be my pleasure," Tahani says, saluting. Eleanor slants a glance at Chidi, who shrugs back. A demonic lava dog hunt isn't even the weirdest thing that's happened to them this week.

*

The good thing is, Tiger is easy to track because she's the size of a small car and leaves a trail of slowly cooling lava wherever she goes. The bad thing is, Eleanor is alone with Chidi because Tahani has assigned herself the task of convincing Jason to send the hellhound back once they've located her.

"Lava disagrees with my complexion, I'm sure you understand," she said, patting Eleanor on the cheek. Eleanor would be pissed, but Tahani's skin is _amazing_ , so maybe she's onto something.

Luckily, they spot Tiger rounding a corner by the coffee shop, and there's no time to chat as they dash through the square to try and corner her--only to run into Gunnar and Angelique, walking out of a frozen yogurt shop.

"Howdy, guys!" says Gunnar. Eleanor has never liked him. "What are you up to? What's… all this?" He trails off as he sees the puddles of lava dotting the ground.

"Hey!" Eleanor says quickly. "Sorry, we gotta run, we're helping… decorate!"

"It's for Tahani's theme night!" Chidi adds, helpfully. "The theme is… fire," he finishes, less helpfully. Eleanor doesn't know exactly what her face is saying but from Chidi's wince, she guesses the basic message is getting through.

"He means _Hawaiian,"_ she interjects quickly, "ha ha. You know, volcanoes, fire. Hawaii! Okay, gotta go, you kids have fun!" She grabs Chidi by the arm and drags him away, hissing, " _The theme is fire_ , are you kidding me?"

Chidi shrugs helplessly, "I couldn't think of anything else! Party planning is not my forte!" Eleanor feels that _stupid_ rush of fondness again and ruthlessly stamps it down. They have a lava dog to track down.

By the time they reach the coffee shop, though, Tiger is long gone. Instead, they catch a glimpse of Tahani, Jason, and Janet, weaving around lava puddles as they head away from the central plaza.

"You simply cannot keep her!" Tahani is saying. "What do these creatures even eat? Meat? Human flesh?"

"She's a _good dog."_ Jason replies, a stubborn jut to his chin.

("Not a dog," Janet chimes in.)

Eleanor sighs, then realizes she's still holding Chidi's hand and drops it abruptly. Her palms feel cold.

"Listen, Eleanor," Chidi says, "I really think we should talk about the reboots. I mean, you said you _loved_ me. I said it back!"

_"I_ really think we should find Tiger before she destroys a building and we all get sent to the real Bad Place," Eleanor says, folding her arms. "I would _loaf_ to talk about it later--hm. Loaf. Loaf? I loaf cocktail shrimp. That's weird, why can't I say "loaf"?"

Chidi stares at her. "You know _I_ know you're faking that, right?"

"Chidi. I would _loaf_ to be able to say 'loaf'. Maybe this is part of Vicky's newest torture plan!" Eleanor tries on a winning smile. It's not especially effective.

"Yeah, okay, we'll address this later," Chidi says, narrowing his eyes. He looks around, but Tahai, Jason, and Janet have already vanished. "Janet?"

_Ping!_ "Yes, Chidi?"

"Oh my god, Janet." Eleanor stares. Janet is on fire, and part of her arm has melted off from the lava. "Janet. Do you know where Jason's dog is?"

"We temporarily located the hellhound," Janet says cheerfully as the fire creeps up her hair. "Unfortunately, it seemed to sense Tahani's agitation, and we lost track of it."

"Where could she even _be?"_ Chidi says, despairingly. "She's got to get hungry eventually, right?"

"Wait a minute," Eleanor says. "I know how to find her."

*

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Tahani asks, staring at the swimming pool of mango-flavored frozen yogurt.

"Yes, _trust me,"_ Eleanor says. "She was lurking around the frozen yogurt lazy river until we chased her away, and the only flavor with any lava next to it was the mango. She's tired and hungry, and we've just filled a swimming pool with food. She'll come."

She hasn't even entirely finished the sentence when a low rumbling comes from behind some trees. Eleanor does a quick victory fistpump to celebrate her genius as they all turn to see Tiger peering anxiously out at them from where she's crouched.

"Hey, girl." Jason walks forward slowly, palms open, "Are you hungry? We got you your favorite frozen yogurt, because you're the best dog _ever."_ Slowly, Tiger slinks over to Jason, following him to the pool. Janet neatly grabs the back of Jason's shirt as he's reaching out to pet Tiger and yanks him back two steps.

"Jason," Tahani says, more quietly, "we have to send her back. She wouldn't be happy here."

Jason nods, tears already running down his face. "I'm gonna miss you so much, Tiger," he says. "You're the best friend I ever had."

Janet makes a circle with her arms, which expands, and expands, blinking into a portal. Something roars from the other side of the portal, and Tiger's head comes up from where she's been happily lapping up the frozen yogurt. A blob of mango drips from her snout as she cocks her head, then, abruptly, she bounds through, and the portal snaps shut behind her.

Jason is still sniffling, and Tahani pats him gently on the shoulder.

Eleanor turns and catches Chidi's eye, grinning. "Team Cockroach does it again!" She says, and punches him on the shoulder.

"Yeah," says Chidi, his smile sliding into something softer and gentler, "we make a pretty good team."

And, _fork_ , Eleanor did not want to do this. "Well," she says loudly, "I could go for a nap right now, okay, bye." She fully intends to turn and speedwalk home, with dignity, but has to stop short to avoid running into Chidi, who is standing behind her with his arms folded.

"You have to admit, at least, that we know each other! I _know_ things about you that there's no other explanation for. We need to talk about the reboots."

Eleanor stares at him, the hopeful half-smile, the mango frozen yogurt stains on his pants, and feels more terrified than when she'd been staring down the giant lava dog. She hasn't been _scared_ of anything since the fifth grade, and a sudden wave of irritation surges up in her chest. She's exhausted, every inch of her clothing smells like singed mangoes, and if Chidi wants to have this talk now, he's going to _get_ it. "Chidi. We _don't_ know each other. This," she says, flinging an arm out to gesture at the quaint main street behind them, "is all pretend. Nothing about this place is real! We're _in the Bad Place._ You are not a _good person_ and we're not _friends."_

Chidi flinches, then his shoulders sag. "Okay," he says, quietly, then turns and walks towards his own house, leaving Eleanor standing alone in the middle of the street.

*

She got what she wanted. Chidi's not going to bring it up again. Eleanor rolls over, tugging restlessly at the covers to try and get comfortable. It's his own fault for being so forking _stupid_ about the whole thing. She rolls over again, knocking one of the pillows off the bed. That's what you _get_ for having expectations. That's what you get for making friends.

Except, of course, Chidi knew all that. He'd watched the same reboots she had. He knew _Eleanor Shellstrop_ better than probably anyone, anywhere, on or off the planet.

And he'd still wanted… this. Whatever this was.

_Ugh._

Eleanor sits up, shoving the covers off. It's time to go have the conversation.

She's planning to come up with a speech on her way over to Chidi's house, but when she pulls open the door, he's standing outside, fist raised to knock.

"Um," says Eleanor.

"No, _you_ listen to _me,"_ says Chidi. He pauses as if waiting for an interruption, then shakes his head and barrels on. "I'm not in love with you right now. We've only known each other for a couple weeks, of course I'm not _in love._ But I'm not… _not_ in love with you either. I mean, I've _been_ in love with you. I think we both deserve a chance to try and figure out exactly what this thing is." He pauses, breathing hard. "And we _are_ friends."

_Oh, Chidi,_ Eleanor thinks. Always doing the heavy lifting so she doesn't have to. "Yeah, okay," she says.

"Oh," Chidi stares at her. "I, uh, thought there would be more resistance on your end. I have another ten pages written out." He waves the sheaf of papers he's holding, and Eleanor finds herself grinning helplessly.

"No, we're good. I'm just bad at… loaf," she mutters.

"Yeah, I was starting to pick up on that."

"But I guess you're not the _worst_ person in the world," she says, swinging the door open.

"Neither are you," he says, following her in.


End file.
